God's love

We have been camping

We have been camping on the west coast of Canada these past days. I grew up camping and for me still there is nothing quite like it. Having nothing else to do but just be and marvel at the masterpiece of creation. Eating simple food and taking naps. Lingering and making eye contact. Surrounded with the ones I love the most. Being still. IMG_3574

I read my oldest two the last few chapters of The House at Pooh Corner on the beach at bedtime. I cry at the end and struggle to get the words out. Liam asks me why I’m crying and I say ‘because Christopher Robin has to grow up but he doesn’t really want to, not quite yet.’ Even though he just turned eight he nods and says ‘Oh I see’ and I think he really does.

And we take a hike to a mountain lake and I carry my three year old on my back, hard uphill the whole way. Then we hit a flatter spot and she meanders all by herself, full of determination. There are tons of irritating little black flies in everyone’s eyes and ears and nose that threaten to suck the joy from it. But instead I know I will remember swimming in the cold lake at the top so clean and clear that the trees are perfectly reflected with my baby hanging onto my neck and the rest of my loves splashing around.

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Towards the end I sit with Aaron at the picnic table overlooking the ocean eating the last of our supper. The kids have all finished and ran off to play with the other kids on the beach. (There is an epic pirate adventure being lived out with sticks and rocks and sunshine and time.) So we toast to our pizza grilled cheese and laugh about our fancy date. I tell you that you are looking healthy and you are, a tan on your face and the sparkle back in those blue eyes the colour of the ocean I fell in love with.

We watch the most beautiful sunset I think I have ever seen. I think about glory spilling over that the heavens cannot hold, onto earth. A broken belief in me is changed to one of abundance and something is healed.

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Today is Father's Day

Today is Father's Day.  Even as I write this it is in-between catching a tiny bouncy ball with you (pig in the middle with Liam), the girls are running around shrieking (with joy but it is still incredibly loud) and all the yumminess of the breakfast the kids made for you (with a little help) is covering every inch of counter top we have. It's your eighth Father's Day and we are closing in on our 16th year of life together.

(Photo courtesy of Eye For It Photography)

Funny thing when you get married when you are barely out of high school, you don't talk too much about whether/when/how many kids you want. I wasn't one of those women who always wanted to be a wife and mother and you weren't one of those men who always wanted to be a husband and a father. Both of us were just barely out of our we never want to have kids cynical teen years so I guess we believed we would figure it out as we went along, if we thought about it at all. When I hear how people thought about what kind of a parent their partner would be as a part of the decision-making process before they joined their lives together, I can't relate.

So all this to say, as I said when I hugged you this morning, I love our chaos Aaron and I love you even more than I did fifteen years ago - but I sure didn't see it coming.

I didn't think to think about whether you would be open to parenting much differently than I am sure either of us would have guessed. I didn't imagine about whether you would watch me birth our babies in our own home. I didn't wonder about whether you would support them in their own journey, not yours.

I didn't ask whether you would take them on special outings and teach them how to cook and build things and how to climb mountains.

I wouldn't have wanted to think about whether you would put down boundaries, boundaries you never would have imagined having to put down, because you put us first.

I didn't know you would work this hard, at work and at home, yet still have time to be funny and play lego and coach soccer and make crafts at the kitchen table.

I didn't worry if you would still love me as motherhood and life changed me and my beliefs. If I thought of anything it was that our love was strong and our desire to live out the journey of this life together was firm and that you believe in a God of love and grace and forgiveness. And darling, as far as you being a father is concerned, I was too young to know it - but that was all I needed to know.

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Last year I wrote about Aaron on Father's Day too